and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
