I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
