I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
