You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
