Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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