i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
