true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
