ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
