ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
