if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
