i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
