I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
