I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
where are my eyebrows?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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