isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
