Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
