Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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