Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
how does that bad decision feel?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
