was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
