after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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