In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
