Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
