yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
