you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
