Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
