I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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