Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
