the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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