I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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