so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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