bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
