How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
