my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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