so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
