I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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