I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
