I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
