I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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