they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
