Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
