I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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