giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
