i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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