Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
