OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
