1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
