I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
be right there i have to get my cape
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize
