GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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