I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
