Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
