Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
