White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Randomize
