The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
