I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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