The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
my sisters under your porch take her home
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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