pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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