I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
