I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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