your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
