i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
