I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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