I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
