those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
pop tarts are not kleenex
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
