I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
