Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
