so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
