My friends, they love my intelligence
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
