Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
