And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
