Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Randomize
