i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
