he puts the penis in happiness.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
