she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
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