I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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