We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
