6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
