he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
