I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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