just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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