The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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