Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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