i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
i now understand why vodka
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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