he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
