White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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